Upside Down World

I must get inside!  I must get inside this red brick building.  I have walked around this building more times than I can remember.  There is nothing special about this building.  It looks like any other newly built warehouse that you might see in the industrial part of town.  There is no sign on the front or any other reference to what this warehouse might be used for.  It takes up what is at least half a city block.  It is bordered on three sides by an alley and the front side (if you can call it the front) faces the street that runs alongside the boardwalk.   The odd thing about this warehouse is that there no windows and no doors. There is no visible way in.  But I must get inside.  Every side looks the same; solid red brick.    

I must get inside this building.  I was in there once, and the memory of it is forever burned into my mind.  A group of people that I had just met invited me to go with them to the warehouse.  When we arrived at the warehouse we went through the side door.  I know there was a door.  With every loop I make around this warehouse I begin to doubt if there was a door or if I was ever inside at all.  I know I am not crazy; I was inside this exact building eleven days ago.  Once inside, I saw what seemed to be hundreds of people.  The place seemed to be teaming with laughter and excitement.  I was headed further into the building when the group I was with decided to leave so I left with them.  I wish with everything in me now that I had just stayed behind by myself.  We left and eventually went our separate ways that night.  I have not seen these people again but I never forgot the warehouse.  Now I am back and I must get inside.

After the fourth time, I remember starting to count how my laps around this warehouse.  Somewhere in the twenties I lost count.   And now I am getting desperate to the point of panic.  I must find a way in.  I must get back inside this warehouse.  Inside is where I want to be.  Inside is where the happiness is.  Inside is where the people are that I can enjoy life with.  Inside this building is all that matters anymore.   

Once again I am walking through the back alley.  The back alley is full of old crates and drums and random other discarded items.  It is difficult to walk through but I have done it enough that navigating this cluttered back alley has become a very routine task.  However, this time through I stumble on an old box.  As I catch myself and stand back up to resume my desperate search I notice something.  I see a small rectangular window about twent feet in the air that had gone unnoticed before.  Immediately desperate hope floods my mind and all other thoughts flee except the thought of getting through that window.  The largest wooden box in the alley is directly below that window.  It is about seven feet tall so I make some steps to be able to get up on top of it.  I then began to move the larger crates on top of this box and then stack drums on top of these. Lastly I carry the smaller crates up and stack them on top of the drums. I climb carefully up towards the top of my unsteady, make-shift pyramid.  At last I climb upon this final level that I have built and now the bottom of the window is waist high.  I try to look into the building but the window is completely blackened so all that I see is my own reflection. 

After much effort and frustration of trying to open this small window, I resolve myself to the fact that it will not open.  But I must get in, and this is my best chance and the closest that I have been.  Slowly a solution to my problem enters my mind.  I can break this window.  No one will notice and it is so high up that it will not ever be used for anything.  A struggle immediately ensues within me.  Moral code verses emotional duress: which inner voice do I listen to.  I know what is the right thing to do; but the pain within is so much stronger.  After a few minutes of pondering I justify the right to break the window.  I tell myself that I may resort to worse things if I do not get in so I must break the window to prevent later sins.  I choose the lesser of two evils.  In the back corner of my mind, I know that this justification is completely fallacious but I suppress to get what I want.  So quickly (before this thought I have suppressed of what is really right overtakes my first decision) I climb down my tower and find a rock a little larger than my fist and climb back up again.

After a few seconds of hesitation, I take the rock and tentatively hit the window in hopes it will break easy.  Nothing happens.  I take a deep breath and hit the middle of the window with much force and it violently shatters.  I quickly look in to see what was within and to see if anyone noticed the window breaking.  I see no one around so apparently no one heard the loud shatter or saw the window break.  I begin to look around the warehouse and it is so much better than I remembered it.  Hundreds of people in large groups and small groups, they are talking laughing dancing, lounging, eating drinking.  No one is out of place, no one is bored, and no one is lonely.  This is the place where happiness is.

I look down and notice that on the other side of the window is a small cat walk with stairs down to the main floor about fifteen feet to the left.  Excitement to the point of jubilation floods every part of me.  I begin to carefully remove the shards of glass from around the edges of the window so as not to cut myself when I climb through.  I cannot remove them all but there is a big enough opening that if I am careful when I go through I should not cut myself.  The window is small and the opening I have created is even smaller so I decide to go in hands and head first.  I had to get in and now I am getting in. 

When I get through up to my shoulders I look up and there is two guys standing above me.  They look at me and say that I am not supposed to be here.  They immediately push me back out the window without regard for the sharp glass.  It cuts up my arms from my shoulders down to my fingers.  I fall down my make-shift pyramid and get banged up on the way down.  I have never been as hurt in my life as I am right now.  I feel no physical pain but the pain I feel is from the emotional rejection and let down.  I must get in and I am this close, so there is no giving up this easily.  I decide to wait for a long while and try to quietly sneak through the window.

After what seems an eternity (really about half an hour), I climb back up my tower for my second attempt at getting through the window.  I slowly peer in and see no one anywhere close.  And not a single person that I can see seems to have taken notice of the window.  This time I decide to go in by stepping through the opening instead of going in arms first.  I put my left leg through and pause a moment.  I am exhausted and realize that I have a lot of blood on my from the glass cutting my arms and hands.  I bend down to put my upper body and head through so that I can step through with my right leg.  As soon as my shoulders and head cross the threshold to the instead, I am met by two guys again.  I am not sure if these are the same guys as before but if they are not, they are however just as rude and violent.  Without warning or ease they push me forcefully and abruptly push me back outside.  This causes a deep gash down my back with many other abrasions, as well as lacerations down my entire left leg.  I fall to down the pyramid to the ground again.

I lie on the ground in considerable pain.  The ground is cold and hard but I do not care or even notice.  I am bleeding from my arms leg, back and hands.  But I must get inside.  Is the pain and exhaustion worth it?  I could lie here and sleep but the pain will not let me.  I begin to shiver as my body grows colder.  I must try once more to get in.  So I gather my strength and climb back up the pyramid again, leaving a trail of blood behind me.

I reach the top and decide that my best course of action is to rush quickly through the window, across the catwalk, down the stairs, and blend in with the crowd before anyone can catch me and stop me.  My adrenaline and begins to rise from the excitement and nervousness.  I muster my courage and quickly rush through the window cutting my right should.  I run down the catwalk as quickly as I can.  Just as I begin to descend the stairs, I feel a very strong hand on my shoulder that brings me to an abrupt stop.  I am spun around as I wince from the pain.  Once again I am towered over by two men.  They pick me up with one on each side of me.  The carry me to the window and throw me out.  It cuts up my arms and back some more as well as cutting up my right leg.  I miss the tower all together and land very painfully on my side on the cold ground. 

I lay on my face on the ground too weak to get up from the loss of blood and too sore to roll over.  I resolve myself to lay here and die or hope that someone takes pity on me.  My body is in pain but my inner self hurts so much more from the rejection of not being able to get inside—the thing that I wanted more than anything.  As I lay there cold, exhausted, and beaten; I hear a noise.  It sounds like a heavy object being drug across the concrete.  I decide I am delusional from the trauma until I hear the sounds of people laughing and talking.  With what energy I have left, I lift my head up to see what is happening.  I see dozens of people leaving from inside the building.  They are all laughing and smiling and talking.  Some of them are walking hand in hand, but they all just walk on by me like I am not even there.  How did they get out?  From where did they exit?  I slowly raise push myself up a little higher as blood runs down my arms.    And just before I collapse from exhaustion, I see the door to the warehouse.  The door was covered by the wooden box I used to build my pyramid.